It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
