I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
