My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
