Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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