i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
