um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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