just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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