We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
