i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
