Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't deserve a penis
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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