Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
