I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
