She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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