eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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