so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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