If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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