ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
