hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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