Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
