My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have demons in me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
