it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
