North Korea, Best Korea!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
