I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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