We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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