I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
