Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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