wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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