Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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