SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
