i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
