ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
