I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
