I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
