Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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