I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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