when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
