Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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