Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
