So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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