we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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