he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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