Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want to make a zoo with you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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