I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
