were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
