i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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