that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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