Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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