I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
