...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
