Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
