Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
