'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize