Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
