yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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