hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
