The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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