Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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