I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
