Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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