Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
