you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
