I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
