You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
