she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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