Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
