We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
