mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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