You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
