I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
