After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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