hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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