I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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