Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm just crazy horny about you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
