I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
its liver damage thursday
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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