people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
