ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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