I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
