we have officially lost it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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